Lawrence Person's Futuramen

I am proud to announce that I have “won” (if won is the proper word) the coveted Grand Panjandrum’s Special Award in the Bulwer-Lytton Contest.

The Bulwer-Lytton Contest is to write the worst possible opening sentence to a non-existent novel. I’ve won Dishonorable Mention several times, but this is the first time I’ve placed higher (Grand Panjandrum’s is essentially equivalent to second place).

My “winning” entry, in all its dubious glory:

“Don’t know no tunnels hereabout,” said the old-timer, “unless you mean the abandoned subway line that runs from Hanging Hill, under that weird ruined church, beneath the Indian burial ground, past the dilapidated Usher mansion, and out to the old abandoned asylum for the criminally insane where they had all those murders.”

Look upon my prose, ye mighty…