Lawrence Person's Futuramen

Or should I say, L.A.N.D.B.O.A.T. Imagine someone entering the Bulwer Lytton contest trying to win the Men’s Adventure category, but instead of a single sentence, you get an entire chapter.

Grid sat backwards on the bike, slinging Lily onto the seat in front of him like a sack of hamburger meat. Brick grimaced. He knew she was a prime cut of USDA Choice Angus steak. He wanted to put her in his mouth and taste her juices. But the steak would have to be for desert, because the main course was revenge. And that meal was about to be served. Cold. Like a chef salad or some other cold entrée.

It’s pretty much all like that. It comes from Blood & Tacos, a site that celebrates Men’s Adventure.

(Hat tip: Karl Rehn.)